Cutting ties with deception
Every moment of our lives should be spent in harmony and peace. At no time whatsoever should we feel threatened by something or someone around us, and yet, not all of us can say that we trust everything in our lives. Deception is like that little blip of cancer that will eventually spread if you don’t take care of it soon enough. A stain of black upon our white surfaces that must be cleaned before it infects the rest of the purity … Sadly, deception can wear all faces, and sometimes it comes from places you’d never expect and blindside you with a fatal blow if you aren’t too careful. To face it, you must be brave—you must be willing to accept the facts as they present themselves and carefully proceed without letting your emotions get the best of you (I know this can be hard) but if you overreact, you may just be setting yourself up for an even worse situation. I will not pretend to be a master at my own advice; there have been situations where I reacted out of emotion so I can speak from personal experience that it simply doesn’t help nor does it alleviate the situation.
I will start by laying out some of the experiences I have had in the past with a deceptive and manipulative person. Personally, I could see through the facade as it did occur; have you ever stood there while someone was deceiving you to your face and you just know they are trying to deceive you, and yet, being the bigger person you just nod and exit the situation? That has been something I had dealt with for many years and though it was hard, I managed to get through it without the cancer spreading too wide. I made a cut-off unknown to the people deceiving me: I let them believe I wasn’t smart enough to see through the facade and I kept them far outside of my trusted circle. I never gave them room to enter my safe zone, and that can get a bit touchy especially of the deception is coming from within your own home. The last thing anyone wants is confrontation over your unwillingness to be gulled by a family member (including kids.) What I had to do was accept that they believed I didn’t deserve their honesty and I took a careful and quiet step away from them and eventually they began to see that I wasn’t going to fall into the trap that they were setting. If I had reacted any other way, it would simply cause turmoil inside the home and tension that was unwarranted in a time where there was no other option but to be silent in my recognition of the deception.
Eventually, my situation changed and I am no longer in the position where I was surrounded by people of such note. My life has since improved much for the better and I have moved on without obligation or duty to those who had no respect for me. I also feel healthier and lighter on my feet as opposed to so heavily weighed down.
What had worked the best from my perspective was setting the boundaries and leaving those types of people far away from my safe environment. There is nothing more disheartening than to be not only deceived, but by somebody you once trusted. By stepping away, you are allowing yourself to break that tie to the individual who didn’t respect you enough to be upfront and honest. By leaving a deceptive person in your life, you are allowing them to manifest their deceit into your environs and by accepting that, you are also willing to disrespect yourself and soon enough … you will be drained mentally and emotionally.
Now, being deceived unknowingly is a worse animal altogether. This is where you may struggle with controlling your emotions once you uncover the truth—your trust that you once had is destroyed and this is painful—I know not one person who ever handled a situation like that easily, it just hurts! There is nothing more disheartening than finding out a close friend or loved one has been deceiving you all along and this can build a short fuse very easily. From experience; I can tell you that reacting on impulse through the emotions never resulted in a pleasant outcome. Other people get involved who don’t see the truth of the situation and it can get ugly. What I know now and have practiced is that when you discover this animal; you must give yourself time to absorb the truth and carefully proceed the most rational way possible. Lashing out immediately gives the other person fuel to either fabricate a bit further or upset you even more by their inability to own up to the act. This is now the point in the situation where you must accept the fact that you may have to cut ties altogether in order to make it through that torrential emotional storm with some amount of inner peace.
A big part of cutting ties is letting go of what used to be and seeing what it is as it is and how it is. Nobody wants to believe their own child or best friend is deceiving them for whatever reason to best accommodate themselves. Can trust be earned back? Absolutely! But only when the person is willing to accept the act and commit to being honest and real about the situation as well as any future events. Not only that, but you will always be careful with that person, and remember what they did which gives you the tools to understand the creature when it resurfaces. Let’s face it, kids can be deceptive to get out of something they did wrong so you don’t take their precious phone away (or whatever they cherish most) but the deception I am talking about goes beyond the typical fabrications of a child trying to get out of something. The deception I am referring to is something that could hide and mask a situation that may later cause significant harm to those involved. I don’t care if it was your own daughter, son, mother, father, if you uncover something and you have those facts, do not question yourself! Get yourself away from it, and do not become manipulated to the point that you can’t see what’s coming next. You just may find yourself in a situation so bad that there’s absolutely no way out.
Deception can lead you down many unwanted roads. It can rip your heart out and destroy your trust. It can annihilate your hope for a better future. It can lead you into danger by the hand of a smiling face, or worse … It can kill you inside and weigh you down with the strongest chains and tightest locks. It is important that you do not ever allow it that type of power and that you know when it is time to cut those ties. If the person really does love or respect you, they will eventually return to you in remorse and talk with you honestly about the situation and want to work with you at rebuilding the bond you may have once had. There are people who do get caught up in something someone else created, and they get deceived themselves and continue it on to you. Those sort of people I commonly refer to as tools. They are easily manipulated and convinced that gulling you is probable for whatever reason they conjure that correlates with their manipulator and their scheme. You can only feel sorry for them from a distance and always keep yourself safe of that cycle.
Now, I must ask … who wants deception in their life? In no way ever does anyone wake up and decide they want to be disrespected, and by accepting any form of deception around yourself, that would be exactly what you’re asking for. The most important person in your life should honestly first be you. If you are uneasy, and suspicious and stepping on egg shells, then what good are you to anyone else? By living this way, you will allow stress, instability and inability to be at peace and this can lead to depression and many other health issues down the road.
It is extremely critical for your own benefit that you sever ties with anyone who tries to weigh you down with the act of deception. Always put yourself ahead of it, and walk away whenever possible, or else you will be dragged down kicking and screaming and that is exactly what they are after. A brighter way of thinking first starts with getting off the floor unwilling to be a victim and yet willing to stand on your own two feet without the weight of negativity from others. Accept that their choice is their responsibility, and nothing in relation to you. If you blame yourself for the actions of others, you are choosing to be a willing recipient in their games. Stand firm, and say to yourself; “I am better than this” and believe those very words. Not only will you better respect yourself, but others will respect you and follow your example. Remember, it isn’t hard for a lot of us to see the beast for what it is. The person conducting the very act has no respect for you and probably believes you are foolish enough to fall for their ploy. The truth could very well be that they don’t even respect themselves enough to be honest and loyal, and perhaps have some deeper issues that are their own.
Make yourself the priority, you are worth it.